Queer Eye for the Straight Guy Quotes
Ted, Jai, Carson, Thom, & Kyan
"I said walk, not march like a weird little troll."
-Carson
"Don't light those [candles] over there because they'll
burn that wall down." -Thom
"I'm sensing kind of an alcoholism situation. And
perhaps botulism." -Ted
"What is this? It's like the gay Easter Bunny showed up."
-Thom
"Whoa! It's the bouncing to-do list!"
-Ted
"Where are the shoes? I'm freaking out!" -Carson
"I need a Ritalin smoothie so I can concentrate
on this disaster." -Carson
"I love 4-bean salad. It's almost as good as 6-bean salad."
-Kyan
"I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy."-Ted
"Let's see. If I were a plate, where would I be?
Oh, in the sink." -Ted
"Is it a poncho or a Christmas tree skirt?" -Carson
"You don't own anything except a boomerang."-Thom
"One straight man down, about 300 million to go." -Ted
"There's a hooker in Trenton who wants her shoes back." -Carson
"What are we, the five fags from IBM?" -Carson
"The old Tom didn't put poison in your fish, either." -Carson
"Do you have bad credit or just bad taste?" -Carson
"Do you think he got this at The Lion King gift shop?" -Carson
"Dawn. Dawn the lesbian. I know her. She plays softball, doesn't she?"
-Carson
"The lighting in this house cost less than a pack of cigarettes." -Thom
"You're kind of like...not George Straight, but George Gay."-Carson
"People say I look like Ellen Degeneres." - Carson
"If she says no, I'm actually going to lose fifty bucks." -Kyan
"I left enough candles out there to burn down, like, New Jersey City."
-Thom
"Holy daycare center, Batman!" -Carson
"It's like a Toys R Us crack den." -Thom
"If never heard of these towns...Gretzky and Turcotte. Are these cities in
America or..." -Carson
"It looks like your decorator is three." -Thom
"Are we gonna be the gay guys who take away the
children's toys?" -Ted
"I see straight people! I'm scared!" -Carson
"Don't be afraid of color. Lord knows I'm not." - Carson
"These curtains look like they came free with, like,
Cracker Jacks. What the hell are these things?" -Thom
"I broke the wall. I broke the wall, and I'm not sure it matters." -Jai
"I'm no interior decorator, but I just have a feeling that
plastic plants in the bathroom, probably not a good idea."
-Kyan
"This meatball tolls for thee." - Ted
"A magazine rack. Who has that? This belongs
in a psychiatrist office." - Carson
"I hear Thom in here going on and on and on and on and on.
I can walk in here and sum it up in two words: pig sty." -Kyan
"You put a living room where the crack den use to be." - Carson