Slashy MASH Quotes
Undoubtedly, the slashiest TV show ever to grace the air waves.
(Some aren't as slashy out of context, so I've tried to include as much as possible.)
Margaret: There's hardly a nurse that comes through here they don't try to molest.
Trapper: Only the female ones.
Hawkeye: Speak for yourself.
Radar (to Hawkeye and Trapper): Are you guys really filing this report together?
Hawkeye: Yes, and later we'll hold hands and jump off Lover's Leap together.
Hawkeye (about Frank and Margaret): Aren't they something?
Trapper: I love 'em.
Hawkeye: Take her, he's mine.
Henry: Terrific. Your eyes are perfect!
Hawkeye: Thanks. Yours are cute, too, Henry.
Henry: Pierce, I'm putting you to bed.
Hawkeye: You're the second person to make me that offer. I must be obvious or something. I'm sorry, Henry. I have to disappoint you. I've just got to get some sleep.
Hawkeye: Your knees are driving me wild.
Trapper: Don't get smart with me, soldier. I may be cheap, but I'm not easy.
(Radar turns out the light for a movie)
Hawkeye: Keep your hands to yourself, Trapper.
Hawkeye: Great legs, Henry.
General Mitchell (to Trapper and Hawkeye): Are you two together?
Hawkeye: In every kind of weather.
Margaret: Did either of you ever kiss Frank?
Trapper: Not me.
Hawkeye: I was hoping for next New Years'.
Hawkeye (to Trapper): I don't suppose you'd like to finish this dance?
Hawkeye (to Nancy Sue Parker): One of us loves Henry Blake, and I'm starting to think
that it's me.
Henry (of his snoring): If it gets too bad, you'll have to do what my wife does.
Hawkeye: What's that?
Henry: Hold me close.
Frank: Shut your mouth.
Hawkeye: Kiss me.
Hawkeye: Look, I know how tough it is for you to say goodbye, so I'll say it. Maybe you're right, maybe we will see each other again, but just in case we don't, I want you to know how much you've meant to me. I'll never be able to shake you; whenever I see a pair of big feet or a cheesy mustache, I'll think of you.
B.J.: Whenever I smell month-old socks, I'll think of you.
Hawkeye: Or the next time somebody nails my shoe to the floor...
B.J.: ...Or when somebody gives me a martini that tastes like lighter fluid.
Hawkeye: I'll miss you.
B.J.: I'll miss you. A lot. I can't imagine what this place would've been like if I hadn't found you here.
Potter : I've got a soft spot for Klinger. He looks a little like my son, and he dresses a lot like my wife.
Hawkeye: I'm a life long Anglophile. England is still the only place I know where any young man
can grow up to be the Queen.
Nurse: I don't go out with married men, sir.
Henry: Well, neither do I!
Trapper: Klinger's not a pervert!
Margaret: How do you know?
Trapper: Because I'm one, and he's never at the meetings!
Frank: Klinger! I want to see you out of that dress!
Klinger: Never on a first date, sir!
Hawkeye: Either way, they're going to separate us. You're my best friend! I never got
along this well with anyone, you moron!
B.J.: That goes double for you, stupid!
Hawkeye: I can't decide on who to ask to the movies tonight.
BJ: I'll bet it isn't me.
Hawkeye: Don't be so sure. How about you?
Donovan: You're asking me after him?
Hawkeye: Well, he turned me down, I'm on the rebound. Now is your
big chance.
Hawkeye: (to BJ) Did I ever tell you you look cute with your shirt
off?
Hawkeye (to BJ): I'd love to see you sing "You're The Tops" without your bottoms.
Hawkeye (to Radar): If you were only taller, I'd kiss you on the lips.
Hawkeye : Not now, Henry, I'm going to my dressing room to take a nap.
Hawkeye: What if we wanted to adopt the baby?
BJ: Our doctor says we can't have one of our own.
BJ: Klinger!
Klinger: What am I? The only medic in the shop?
BJ: You're loved, you fool.
Klinger: Command me, oh tall one with the Presbyterian features.
Hawkeye (to Radar): You just got some costume jewelry from President Truman.
I think he's sweet on you.
Hawkeye: Radar, I'm going to do something I've hardly ever done before.
Radar: You're not going to kiss me are you?
Frank: Where's my razor?
Hawkeye: Shaving your legs again, Frank?
Frank: I don't think it's sophisticated to walk around with a beard.
Trapper: You ought to try it sometime, Frank. Women love it.
Frank: Oh, I'll bet.
Hawkeye: Really. Come here. Kiss me.
Radar: Let me get you to bed and make sure you're comfortable.
Hawkeye: That's what they all say.
Hawkeye: (referring to Frank and Margaret): That's the bad fairy, and she's the wicked witch.
Hawkeye (to Radar): Sit down. Your father (Trapper) and I will tell you what we did to have you.
Hawkeye (after seeing Henry kiss his neighbor in a film): Did you and Milt ever get married?
Hawkeye: I know I'm a capable young surgeon. Let me add I have good prospects and I'm a great
catch, but I'm not looking for a husband.
Hawkeye (with his hand on Trapper's forehead): Your fever gone?
Trapper: Mother use to kiss my forehead to find out.
Margaret: I really could have gone for you.
Hawkeye: Well, it's been known to happen.
Margaret: Not you. Him (Trapper). That curly blond hair, and that crooked smile, and
you're really built, too, you know, you son of a gun. But there you were out of uniform,
unshaven. No sirs, no salutes, no nothing.
Hawkeye: That's when I fell in love with him.
Hawkeye: You know something, Trap?
Trapper : Huh?
Hawkeye : You really are built you son of a gun.
Hawkeye : Margaret, let me dance my way into your heart.
Frank : Now just a minute!
Hawkeye : Be patient, Frank. I'll get to you next.
Klinger : Figure I got a chance with him?
Hawkeye : I think he prefers blonds.
Soldier : Klinger! I'm here to relieve you.
Klinger : Good. Undo my bra. I don't usually let guys do that
on the first date.
Hawkeye (after BJ's been shot by Frank): Let me take a look at it.
BJ: Will you respect me in the morning?
Radar : Boy, you'd think the army would try to fix it so guys that are married
with each other could be in the same unit.
Hawkeye : Looks like a marriage, Frank. I know I can do better, but at my age can I wait?
Hawkeye (to Radar) : You're cute.
Hawkeye : Who is this man in bed with me?
Trapper : You don't know me. I followed you home from the movies.
Hawkeye (describing the nonexistent Captain Tuttle):
Height - 6'4". Weight - 195 pounds. Hair - Auburn. Eyes - Hazel.
Trapper : Hawkeye, I think I'm in love.
Henry : Radar, there's something going on with Major Burns.
Radar : Yes, Sir. With Major Houlihan. I know one guy who got pictures.
Henry : No, I mean with Captain Tuttle.
Radar : Major Burns and Captain Tuttle, Sir?
Colonel Brighton (about Frank) : He can't keep his hands off of me.
Margaret (about Frank) : Buzz, be careful. He's jealous.
Brighton: Well, why should he be? I don't belong to him.
Henry : What's going on here?
Brighton: Colonel, look, I'm sorry. I didn't know he was your girl.
Radar (talking about his correspondance course):
It's final week.
Henry: And you want me to take you to the senior prom, right?
Tommy : I need Dr. Pierce. He's the only one who can help me.
Hawkeye : I'm Pierce. What's the problem?
Tommy : You're my problem. I think I love you!
Hawkeye: Frank, flowers? I asked for light chocolates. I'm allergic
to flowers.
Hawkeye (to Trapper) : I don't care how drunk you make
me, I'm not going home with you.
Frank : I've decided not to go, Sir.
Henry : Frank, if you think you're gonna sleep
here tonight you're crazy.
Hawkeye (about Frank) : I told you he was a sweetheart (dips Frank
and kisses him).
Margaret: What do you think you're doing? Stop that!
Hawkeye: Wait your turn!
(Nurse enters and kisses Hawkeye)
Hawkeye (resting with a hat over his eyes): I told you to leave me alone, Trapper.
Hawkeye : General Clayton, this is Benjamin Franklin Pierce. I realize
that you're a general and I'm just a captain, but I want to have your baby.
Henry (to General Clayton) : I'll tell Major Houlihan you look forward to seeing her.
Hawkeye : If she doesn't want you, there's always me.
Kaplan : Reach into my pocket.
Hawkeye : I hardly know you.
Kaplan : My shirt pocket.
Henry (to Hawkeye) : Can you lay off the wisecracks for five minutes?
Trapper: Oh, he always acts funny in the men's shower.
Hawkeye : You still love me for all my faults?
BJ : What faults? You're perfect.
General : You realize you've got a man on guard duty who's wearing
a skirt?
Henry : Well, luckily he's got the legs for it.
Trapper: I'm not in shape.
Hawkeye: Who says you're not in shape? You've
got a cute body. I've seen guys sneaking peeks at you
during calisthentics.
Trapper : Which guys are sneaking peeks at me?
Hawkeye : I'd rather not say. Some of them are married.
Hawkeye : Beside me life, Franks wants my virginity.
BJ : We all do.
Hawkeye : If I'd only known.
Hawkeye (to Lt. Bricker): But I promised Fred I'd never dance with anybody else but him.